


Wish I Was Fine

by ceealaina



Series: Between the Lines [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Getting Together, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Past Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 03:12:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13895010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceealaina/pseuds/ceealaina
Summary: Tony's so far gone for Bucky, it's a little ridiculous. And after Bucky (finally!) kissed Tony, he thought they were (finally!) on the same page. Right up until Bucky started avoiding him like he had the plague. Apparently he got his wires crossed somewhere along the way.Featuring miscommunication! Mutual pining! Two clueless idiots! Miscommunication! Not so unrequited love! Lots of tragic pining! And seriously, so much miscommunication!





	Wish I Was Fine

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Wish You Were Here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13792710) by [ceealaina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceealaina/pseuds/ceealaina). 



> This is technically a sequel, but you don't have to read the first one for this to make sense. Here's what you need to know:
> 
> Tony is in love with Bucky.
> 
> Bucky is in love with Tony.
> 
> Neither of them realizes how the other one feels.
> 
> Also, Tony and Steve had a friends with benefits thing going on. Bucky maybe found out about it once, and got the wrong idea about what it meant. Didn't stop him from agreeing when Steve invited him to join them for a threesome though...

It had been four days since Bucky had joined Tony and Steve for the night, and Tony… Hadn’t been back with Steve since. It wasn’t a lack of interest, exactly. They’d hung out a couple times, ragging on each other like they always did, but whenever things seemed to be gearing in that direction, Tony would start thinking about the last time, about Bucky’s body looming over his, his lips on his skin, the feeling of him… Well. While sex with Steve would always be hot as fuck, it just didn’t seem to have the same appeal it had before. His excuses were pretty lame, he knew, and he was pretty sure he was completely transparent. The last time had ended with Steve giving him a knowing little smirk that he didn’t like it all. 

Meanwhile, he couldn’t seem to stay away from Bucky. It had been a little awkward at first - he’d had the feeling that Bucky had been avoiding him that first day. But then he’d needed maintenance on his arm, and they’d settled right back into the easy companionship they’d had before. Except, you know, now that they’d had sex it was all Tony could think about sometimes, but what could you do? 

He sighed, tossing his wrench down with a little more force than was strictly necessary. He was a pathetic idiot in love, and he fucking knew it. 

“Hey doll. Bad timing?”

Tony jumped a little at the sudden voice, and then couldn’t help the little giggle that he always made whenever Bucky used his little 40s nicknames on him. “Hey there, Red Peril.” He shook his head, waving absently at his worktable. “No, no, you’re good. What can I do for you?” 

Bucky shrugged, smiling crookedly. “Just thought I’d come say hi.” He blinked, his smile going wider. “Hi.”

Tony’s grin grew, and he couldn’t quite break eye contact with the other man. “I… Hi,” he returned, only just resisting the urge to giggle again. 

“Hi,” Bucky said again, chewing on his lower lip. “Uh, what’re you working on?” 

“I’m glad you asked, Buckaboo! I’m finding a new way to boost power to my thrusters. I’m gonna go even faster.” He patted the seat beside him. “Come on, take a seat. Let me show you.” 

Bucky grinned and dropped onto the seat, resting on the table with his chin in hand. Even when he didn’t fully understand what Tony was saying, he always seemed fascinated while listening to him explain it. 

Tony didn’t mean to spend the better part of an hour explaining his latest project, and he winced when all of a sudden he realized how long he’d been talking. 

“I, um… Fuck, sorry.” He grinned crookedly, his cheeks flushing. “I um… Got distracted, sorry.”

Bucky shrugged again, still leaning into his hand. “Don’t sweat it.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I could listen to you talk about this stuff for hours.” 

Tony beamed like Bucky had made his entire year. “Really? I know Steve tends to get a little glaze-eyed when I go on the science binges.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I love Stevie, but when it comes to science he’s dumb as a post.” 

Tony burst out laughing at that, the slightly hysterical choking giggles of someone running on coffee and science and not enough sleep. Bucky couldn’t help grinning at him fondly, watching as Tony’s head slumped to the work desk, shoulders shaking with the force of his laughter. 

When he lifted his head again, Bucky seemed a lot closer. Tony’s laughter trailed off as their eyes locked. He licked his lower lip, and didn’t miss the way Bucky’s eyes traced the movement. Tony swallowed, and then Bucky’s hand was curling around the back of his neck, drawing him in. They hovered for just a second, lips almost pressing together, before Tony closed the distance between them to kiss Bucky. 

Tony wasn’t normally one for cliches, but kissing Bucky was like fireworks and butterflies and love at first sight. They’d kissed the night Bucky had joined he and Steve, of course, kind of unavoidable when you had an oral fixation the way Tony did, but this was different. It was softer and slower, although no less hot for the lack of frantic desperation behind it. This was more of a slow burn, setting sparks a light low in his belly. 

Bucky’s lips were thick and plush against Tony’s own, with just a hint of a rough drag from the way he chewed at them. The feeling made Tony thread his fingers through Bucky’s long hair, stool screeching across the floor as he dragged himself closer to the other man. He traced his tongue along the seam of Bucky’s lips, deepening the kiss when they parted. Bucky was making soft little sounds against his mouth that were making Tony shiver in pleasure, and he wanted to climb into Bucky’s lap and make out for days. 

It seemed like both hours and only seconds later when they pulled back, both panting a little. Tony felt like his skin was buzzing, and he fought back another giggle - although he was sure the smile plastered across his face was ridiculous. He beamed at Bucky. 

“Um, hi,” he said again, and so maybe he wasn’t his most articulate, but he couldn’t help it. He felt a little giddy at the moment. He’d been pining after Bucky for a ridiculous amount of time, but now it looked like he wasn’t the only one. All the flirting, the building him things, the trying to let him know how much he meant to him without actually saying it... Tony had wondered if maybe his feelings weren’t totally one-sided, thatit might have just been wishful thinking on his part. Getting carried away mid-threesome was one thing, too easy to write off. But this? Even if Bucky hadn’t _kissed him_ _in his lab_ a propos of nothing, Tony knew he wasn’t imagining the chemistry between them. This was as good as confirmation of everything he’d been hoping for. 

Bucky’s lips quirked into an almost smile. “Hey,” he said back, voice low and gruff, and quieter than was really warranted when it was just the two of them, but Tony understood the urge to whisper. Then Bucky’s face changed, his eyes going wide. “Shit,” he muttered. “Shit, I didn’t mean to- sorry!” 

Tony was still too high on the happy giddy feeling filling him up from the inside to read too much into it. He waved an arm absently at Bucky. “What’re you - don’t apologize Buckaroo, are you kidding? That was... that was great. Just what I needed.”

Bucky managed a small smile. “No, I just... I mean...” He trailed off, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck. “I should, um... Go.” 

Tony blinked. “Aww Buckaroo, really?” He couldn’t help being a little disappointed, because kissing, but now that he looked, Bucky was starting to look a little frazzled. That was fine. Feelings and emotions and new potential relationships could be overwhelming, he supposed, especially after everything Bucky had been through. And Tony was like a mature and occasionally even responsible adult now. He could ease into things, no problem. He nodded, still grinning like an idiot, and waved him off. “Yeah. Yeah, fine, go do your assassin thing. I should get this finished up anyway.” He looked up at Bucky and waggled his eyebrows. “But be sure to come back if you wanna make out like drunk teenagers some more.” 

***

Bucky nodded, and all but ran from the room, leaving Tony to happily hum along to his AC/DC. He was fucked, he was so absolutely fucked. He’d been falling for the other man for a long time, since before he’d been back to himself to even recognize the feeling, if he was being honest with himself. But Tony was with Steve, and they were happy together he guessed (he couldn’t actually bring himself to ask, and hear Steve gushing about Tony the way he did when he fell for someone) and that was fine, he was more than happy for them, happy to just be friends with Tony (and maybe hope for another invitation to join the two of them). He’d take the man in any capacity he could take, and that would have been fine, only now he’d gone and kissed him. 

He was so fucked. 

He blamed Steve. What kind of an asshole takes their perfectly happy relationship and throws an unknown factor into it. Not only that, but he _knew_ Bucky. Steve could be oblivious to any problem he couldn’t solve with his fists, sometimes, but he had known Bucky since they were kids. He had to have some idea of the way Bucky felt about Tony. And now that he’d spent a night with the man - which had been _Steve’s idea_ , Bucky would like to remind everyone - Bucky couldn’t stop thinking about him. His feelings had grown to ridiculous amounts, and now in addition to wanting to spent pretty much all his time with Tony, he couldn’t stop thinking about the way he looked naked, the way his body he moved against Bucky’s, the absolutely wrecked sounds he’d made when Bucky had gotten his mouth on his cock, and his fingers inside him. Bucky shivered a little, feeling his own cock twitch at the memory. 

He was so, so fucked. 

He was so distracted, he didn’t even hear Steve and Sam until he turned the corner and nearly crashed into the two of them. Steve moved his hands to catch Bucky’s arms, but Bucky took a step back quickly because fuck, he’d just been making out with his best friend’s boyfriend, what the fuck was wrong with him? He resisted the urge to groan out loud. 

“Hey Buck,” Steve said, giving him a curious look. “You okay?”

“Yup,” Bucky answered quickly. “Just... Thinking.”

Steve seemed to accept this as a reasonable excuse, but Sam’s eyes were narrowed, and he was fixing Bucky with that look that meant he knew too much. Bucky cleared his throat and avoided eye contact with Sam, instead focusing on Steve, who was talking again. 

“Sorry, what?”

Steve gave him a fond smile. It still wasn’t uncommon for Bucky to occasionally zone out, losing himself in his thoughts, and they were all used to dealing with it. “I said, we were just looking for Tony, thought he might be with you. Have you seen him?” 

“What? No. Why would be with me?”

Sam arched an eyebrow at him, and Bucky chewed nervously at his lower lip. “Because you two practically live in each other’s back pockets these days?”

“Oh. I mean, we don’t, not really.” He ignored Sam’s eye roll and there was a beat of awkward silence. 

“So have you?” Steve prompted. “Seen him?” He was still looking amused, although there was a glimmer of concern appearing in his eyes. 

“No!” Bucky answered, thinking guiltily about the kiss. “I mean. Yeah. I think he’s in his lab?”

Steve nodded, his hand coming up to cup Bucky’s shoulder. “Hey, are you sure you’re okay, Buck? Have you been sleeping?”

Bucky fell on this saving grace like a dying man. “Uh, last night wasn’t great,” he agreed, doing his best to sound genuine considering it was a complete lie. He’d been down in the lab with Tony when the other man had discovered he hadn’t seen Alien yet. They’d watched it on the couch together, which had turned into the two of them falling asleep wrapped up together. It was the best sleep Bucky’d had in weeks. “I think I’m gonna go and try and catch up now.”

Steve nodded, concerned but not overly so, but Sam just narrowed his eyes. “Yeah,” he drawled, “You do that.” 

That was going to be a conversation later, Bucky knew, but for now they left him alone, heading for the elevators. Bucky waited until he knew they were out of earshot and thumped his head against the wall, hard. “You’re a goddamn assassin, Barnes,” he growled out to himself, heading for his room where everyone would leave him alone and he could avoid any more awkward conversations. “Get your shit together.”

Time. He just needed time to get over this thing he had and then everything could go back to normal. He’d probably still be pining for Tony until the day he died, but it would be the kind of low key pining he could handle, instead of this frantic desperate thing that led to doing foolish things like kissing Tony in his lab. He just needed time to adjust. 

***

He hadn’t meant for that to turn into avoiding Tony, but somehow that’s what had happened. To be fair he was mostly avoiding everyone (Sam knew too much, Tasha was even worse, the guilt was too much to be around Steve…) but he normally spent so much time with Tony that it wasn’t the same. It helped that he’d been sent off on a two-week mission a couple days after everything had happened, but he knew it was probably becoming obvious by now, that Tony was noticing something was up. He’d been avoiding the lab, not trusting himself to be alone with Tony without kissing him again, or maybe just dropping to his knees and proposing right there. He had excuses ready when Jarvis relayed messages asking if he wanted to continue his pop culture education, and he’d been skipping his late night treks to the common area. They’d had a few casual conversations, during group dinners, or passing in the hall, but Bucky had been quick to make excuses to leave again. And after the last movie night, when he’d skipped his usual spot on the love seat next to Tony to claim the recliner in the corner, he hadn’t missed the brief flash of hurt that crossed the other man’s face before he had smiled too wide, his PR mask firmly in place. 

And the problem was, it wasn’t actually helping. Bucky was actively miserable now, missing Tony like a missing limb - and he would know - but his feelings weren’t diminishing. He ached every time he thought of him, a sharp pang in his chest that he didn’t even know what to do with. Everything had spiralled out of control so quickly, and he had no idea how to fix it.  

***

Tony had, in fact, noticed that something was up. 

When Bucky had first run off from the lab, he hadn’t been too bothered because, oh hey, Bucky Barnes was into him. That was a high that would be lasting him for weeks at least. And apparently kissing ex-murderbots was good for his brain, because right after that he had a breakthrough on his project that led to an engineering binge lasting almost 48 hours. And then, when Steve had finally forcibly removed him from his lab, he’d collapsed into bed, slept for nearly twelve hours, and when he woke up Bucky was gone on his mission. Which, okay, sucked, because he’d been looking forward to another makeout session since he’d gone to bed the night before, but that was fine. Saving the world took priority, after all, and Tony had a good imagination - which he put to good use while Bucky was away, especially in the shower. And in his bed. And, on one very pleasant occasion, in his own lab. 

But then, Bucky came home, and didn’t even so much as pop his head in. Bucky had actually been back for two whole days without Tony even realizing. He’d assumed the other man would just drop into his workshop, like he always had done, but apparently that wasn’t the case because Tony didn’t see him until he accidentally bumped into him in the communal kitchen on an early morning quest for coffee. 

Tony didn’t do people. As smart as he was, he could be remarkably oblivious when it came to reading people, and everyone knew that. But even he could see that Bucky was being weird. The man who could sneak up on Natasha just about had a heart attack when he almost walked into Tony, and though they managed some awkward conversation, Bucky was jittery and nervous and clearly wanted to be anywhere else. He took off after only a couple minutes, leaving Tony blinking after him because he didn’t think he’d ever had a conversation with Bucky before that wasn’t as easy as breathing. 

Whatever, it was fine. Or at least, that’s what he tried to convince himself as he headed back to the lab, coffee forgotten. Maybe it had been a hard mission, or Bucky was stuck in his head. Things would go back to normal in no time. 

But they didn’t. Bucky never did come down the workshop, and essentially turned into a ghost in the tower. Tony tried not to read too much into it. Maybe they were just on different pages. Maybe Bucky was into the sex part and not so much the actual feelings. And that was totally fine. Tony could completely ignore the way his heart clenched at the thought of Bucky not actually returning his feelings when Tony himself would seriously consider giving up sex for the rest of his life if it meant just spending time with the other man. He could totally play it cool, if Bucky would just give him the chance to run into him so he could play it cool. So Tony resorted to having Jarvis alert him when Bucky made an appearance in the common areas, so he could run up and “accidentally” bump into him (and it wasn’t stalking, whatever certain AIs seemed to be implying. It was just the common areas, it wasn’t like he was watching him in the shower.) 

It still took a couple tries for Tony to actually run into him. Bucky seemed to hear him coming and retreat into the walls before Tony could actually get there, but he finally managed to track him down to the gym. He tried to have an adult conversation about everything that had happened, he really did. He wanted to do this right, didn’t want to fuck up what they did have, but Bucky looked like he wanted to cry at the sight of him, so he ended up making more awkward small talk before leaving, because Bucky had been there first and he wasn’t going to chase the man out of the gym. 

He tried not to take it personally, he really, really did. They were friends, if nothing else, although he was (almost) positive he hadn’t imagined the chemistry behind that kiss. And he definitely hadn’t imagined Bucky fucking him within an inch of his life before that. But Bucky still had a lot of emotional trauma, they all did, really, so maybe he just had some crazy going on in his head, it had happened before. Tony had been there, he knew how much it sucked. He just needed to give Bucky time and space, obviously. 

(He tried to ignore the fact that those other times had lasted a day, maybe two at the most, not the better part of two weeks. And that all those other times Bucky had still come to him, and appeared silently in the lab, or the common area and wrapped himself around Tony without a word, preferring to snuggle in silence than talk about it or suffer alone.)

Tony held on to that idea, managed to convince himself it was true, even while Bucky continued to obviously avoid him. He even managed to hang on to it after movie night, when Bucky had shown up late, looked at the empty spot permanently reserved for him on the loveseat beside Tony, and had taken the recliner in the corner instead in a move so obvious that fucking Clint (thankfully the only one actually paying attention) had thrown Tony a wtf look. Tony had had a brief moment of panic that the arc reactor had stopped working, that had hurt so bad, but hey, it wasn’t like Bucky was sitting with someone else either. Maybe he was just trying to find the balance of needing company but still wanting space.

Tony wasn’t actually delusional. He knew something had fucked up between them and that he was grasping at straws here. But he couldn’t help hoping that he hadn’t actually ruined the best thing to happen to him since Iron Man, so he kept right on with his wishful thinking. And it worked, up until he walked in on Bucky with Sam. 

He wasn’t even trying to catch him that time. He’d been working in the lab all night, had stumbled upstairs for some coffee when his own stash had run out, and hadn’t even registered the voices in the common area until he turned the corner to find Bucky laughing, a full deep, belly laugh that had him clutching at Sam’s shoulder for support. Tony stopped dead, thankfully unnoticed by the other two, and his heart stopped with him. It wasn’t everyone, it wasn’t Bucky working through the issues in his own head. It was just Tony he had a problem with, just Tony he was avoiding, just Tony he obviously couldn’t stand to be around. 

And that was... it was fine, it really was. Bucky was a grown up, he was allowed to make his own decisions about relationships and who he wanted to spend time with. Obviously time with Tony had lost its appeal, and that... well, it hurt, but it wasn’t like Tony hadn’t known it was coming. It wasn’t the first time that he’d pushed people away. He was a lot to handle, and he’d known that from the time he was five years old. It was fine. He was a grown up too, one who’d survived torture, and destruction and death five times over. He could handle this too. He’d get over it. It just hurt... a lot more than he’d been expecting, actually. An actual, physical pain through his body that made his chest tight and breathing hard. 

He realized was was happening a split second too late, turned and bolted for the elevators, not even noticing as he knocked over a mug in his haste because he was _not_ having a panic attack in front of these two assholes. He thought he heard Sam call his name just before the door shut, and of course it was Sam because Bucky didn’t give a shit about him, his brain helpfully reminded him as he fell back against the wall of the elevator. 

“Jarvis,” he choked out, clutching at his chest. 

“I have overridden any other calls on the elevator,” Jarvis assured him, his familiar tone helping minutely. “You’re heading directly for the workshop.”

Tony nodded, swallowing around the bile rising in his throat. “Bl-blackout protocols,” he managed to get out, choking on the words. 

“Sir...” Jarvis’ voice had the slight edge of frantic concern, and some distant voice in Tony’s mind pointed out that he always had the option to create more AIs that he could force to like him. The voice sounded a little hysterical. “I really don’t recommend you be alone right now. All symptoms indicate you’re suffering a panic attack-“

“I _know_ , J.”

“-and statistically your attacks are reduced 16.8% in severity and almost 25% in length when you have Sergeant Barnes to assist you with them.”

Tony just managed to avoid puking on the floor as the elevator doors opened. “You are _not_ calling Barnes,” he gritted out, stumbling his way into the lab and all but collapsing on the floor.

“Dr. Banner, then,” Jarvis tried again, worry more evident in his voice. “He is working on the floor below you, and is the next qualified after-“

“ _No,_ ” Tony shouted, before Jarvis could say Bucky’s name again. He was vaguely aware of Dum-E whirring over with a concerned sound and a blanket. “Blackout protocols,” he managed to say again, tipping forward and pressing his forehead against the concrete floor. Jarvis’ voice seemed tinny and distant now, trying to walk him through it, telling him to breathe, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t breathe and logically he knew it was a panic attack, but he was going to die. He was going to suffocate right here in his lab, alone and unwanted just like he had always known he would. 

***

Bucky stood frozen, staring at the spot where Tony had been. He wasn’t sure how long the man had been standing there, or what had made him take off like the hounds of hell were after him, but he hadn’t been fast enough for Bucky not to notice the absolutely stricken look on his face. Somewhere deep inside him, the Winter Soldier screamed in anger, ready to destroy whomever had hurt Tony. Beside him he heard Sam call after the other man, knew he must have seen his face too, but the elevator doors shut without a word from Tony. 

A smack on his shoulder jolted him out of whatever haze he’d settled into, and he turned to see Sam staring at him incredulously. “Don’t just stand here like an asshole. Go after him!”

Bucky blinked. “I... Me?”

Sam rolled his eyes so hard it looked physically painful. “No, his other boyfriend. He was clearly two seconds from a panic attack. Go help him!”

That got Bucky moving. Whatever feelings he was trying to suppress, he wasn’t going to let Tony suffer. The elevator was long gone, so he made a run for the stairs instead, tearing down them with all the speed the serum gave him. He burst into the hall like a crazy person, heading for the door to the lab.

“Tony?” he called, yanking on the door, only to have it not budge an inch. He blinked, took a step back, and blinked again when he realized the windows were opaque now. “Jarvis?” he tried, voice more tentative than he liked. “Is Tony inside?” He’d assumed he’d go to the to lab, but maybe not, maybe he’d-

“He is, Sir.” 

Jarvis put an end to Bucky’s thoughts, and he blinked again, feeling like something was wrong but not quite following what was going on. “Can you let me in, please, Jarvis? I think he’s havin’ a panic attack, and I don’t wanna leave him like that. He needs someone with him...”

“I apologize, Sergeant Barnes. Sir was quite adamant that I not permit you admittance.” 

It might have been Bucky’s imagination, but he thought Jarvis’ voice was just a little cool as he delivered this information. He nodded, because what had he expected? Tony already had Steve who was probably on jos way down right now, to hug him and soothe him and hold him through this, knowing exactly what he’d need. Bucky, on the other hand, had kissed Tony, who was taken, out of turn and without permission. Of course Tony didn’t want him around, had probably been relieved not to have Bucky trailing around his lab like a lost puppy the past few weeks. “Right,” he said, ignoring his sinking heart and the pinch in his nose. “Of course. I understand. I just… I hope he feels better soon.” 

***

Tony woke up, still on the floor but with a pillow shoved under his head and a blanket over top of him. His head was pounding, and he groaned as he rolled over, memories coming back to him. 

“Sorry,” a voice called dryly. “I tried to lift you on the couch, but you’re heavier than you look, and I didn’t think you’d want the Other Guy killing time in your lab.”

Tony turned his head enough to see Bruce giving him a tight smile from a stool by his workbench and sighed. “Jarvis, I distinctly remember that we decided on Blackout Protocols.”

“Actually, Sir, you decided. I didn’t agree on anything.”

Tony rolled his eyes, then gave a manly whimper as the motion sent daggers into his skull. “I do not have time for your sass this morning... afternoon? What time is it?”

“The time is 11:48 in the morning. You have been unconscious for one hour and thirteen minutes. And if I may Sir, my primary protocols allow me to override Blackout Mode is there is a risk to your personal health or safety. And, as I said, you were unconscious, so I requested Dr Banner’s assistance.”

“Blackout Mode, huh?” Bruce asked. “I guess that’s why Jarvis was so insistent I not get Steve or Bucky to help me move you.”

Tony blanched at that, moving to get up and wincing as his knees protested the movement, screaming at him. Bruce came over, helping him up, and Tony groaned as he stumbled over to the couch, all but collapsing on it. 

“Sorry,” Bruce said again, sounding more apologetic this time. “I really did try to move you.”

Tony waved a hand at him absently, rubbing at his knees because they really fucking hurt. He must have hit the floor harder than he’d realized. “Don’t worry about it. Thanks for dropping everything and running to aid of my worrywart AI.”

“Panic attack? Jarvis wouldn’t tell me anything, but I was checking you over for injuries, and...” Bruce gestured vaguely at Tony’s face, which Tony figured was a polite way of pointing out that he’d clearly been crying his eyes out. Tony had long ago stopped being embarrassed about his wealth of mental health issues and just shrugged. 

“Wasn’t the first one, probably won’t be the last.” He winced again, clutching at his head as a sharp stab of pain went through it. Emotional hangovers were the worst. 

“Tension headache,” Bruce said, absently because they both already knew this. “Panic attacks make your entire body tense up, which can lead to muscle contractions in the head and neck regions.” His hands settled on Tony’s neck, rubbing with careful, firm pressure, and Tony nearly proposed on the spot. “Must have been a bad one, for you to pass out,” he said after a couple minutes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Tony rolled his head, enough that he could glance back at him. “I thought you weren’t that kind of doctor?”

Bruce sighed. “Tony...”

“It’s fine, Bill Nye. Just a bad day. I’ll be fine. I promise.”

Bruce was quiet a moment, still rubbing away some of the pain from Tony’s head and neck. “Wanna science?” he offered instead, permanently cementing himself as Tony’s favourite. 

Tony and Bruce spent the rest of the day fucking around in the lab, and it was really good. It had been awhile, and Tony hadn’t realized how much he’d missed quality science bro time. But eventually Bruce left to get some sleep, and faced with the prospect of going upstairs to try and make conversation with everyone else, or even worse, facing his big empty bed, or worst of all, coming face to face with Bucky, Tony stayed. He crashed on the couch for a couple hours in the early morning, and picked up right where he left off when he woke up again. 

It was all too easy to start falling back into the same bad habits as before, working 23 hours a day, surviving on coffee and protein bars, occasionally sneaking upstairs for real food only when he’d had Jarvis confirm that the coast was clear. He was pretty sure everyone including Clint’s damn dog had known how he’d felt about Bucky. If they hadn’t figured out that he been rejected harder than handwashing in the Victorian era, they would soon, and he couldn’t stand the thought of all those pitying looks. Much easier to avoid everyone entirely until this all smoothed over and everyone forgot all about it.

It was two weeks into Tony’s self-imposed isolation when Rhodey came marching into the lab and started poking around with the schematics Tony was working with like he’d been there all along. It took Tony a minute to even realize he hadn’t been, stopping and blinking at him before the first genuine smile in weeks crossed his face. 

“Rhodey,” he cried, throwing his arms around Rhodey in an over-enthusiastic hug. “I missed you, honeybear!” He sunk into his hold and warm, familiar arms wrapped around his back. He hadn’t even realized how desperately touch-starved he’d been the past few days. “I didn’t even know you were back.”

Rhodey grinned as he pulled back. “Been home for two hours, actually. I’m starting to feel like you’re avoiding me.” He was teasing, but he arched an eyebrow pointedly at Tony before gleefully turning back to the schematics when he realized they were for his own armour.

“Yeah, well…” Tony felt his smile falter slightly as he turned back to his work, bumping shoulders with Rhodey. “Don’t take it personal, Platypus. I’ve kinda been avoiding everyone.” 

Rhodey snorted, long fingers already digging and shifting at the holographs. “Yeah, so I’ve heard,” he said, grinning crookedly. “Can’t say I’m exactly surprised,” he added, which… wasn’t exactly the ride or die friendship support that Tony had been expecting. He shrugged off the bit of hurt, focusing in on the work in front of him. They settled into the comfortable, familiar silence of a work binge until Rhodey looked up suddenly, blinking around the room. “Where is Barnes anyway?”

Tony couldn’t help the harsh laugh that slipped out at that, but he hadn’t expected just the sound of Bucky’s name to hurt quite so much. “How the hell should I know?” 

“Wait, what?” Rhodey turned away from the work in front of him, focusing in on Tony completely. “I swear to god, Tones, if he fucked this up…” He trailed off, drawing in a slow breath. “What happened? Did you two have a fight or something?”

Tony shrugged, staring at the table and not at him. “Fucked if I know,” he muttered, voice harsh to mask the pain in it. “I haven’t seen the man in weeks.” 

“What?” Rhodey asked again, sounding more confused than anything now. Tony started to move away, finding more work to distract himself with, but Rhodey grabbed his arm, pulling him back to face him. “Tones, come on. Come here. Look at me.” He ducked his head until Tony reluctantly met his eyes. “What the fuck happened? I show up and Steve’s telling me that you and Bucky finally hooked up and Barton’s winking and making all these innuendos, and telling me that no one’s seen you or Bucky in ages… What do you mean you haven’t seen him in weeks.” 

Tony shrugged, looking at some point over Rhodey’s shoulder. “Don’t know what he’s been doing, but whatever it is, he doesn’t want to do it with me.” 

“And so you decided to make it easier on him and hide out down here,” Rhodey finished flatly. “Fuck, Tones.” 

Tony managed a smile, small but genuine. “Don’t worry about it, Honeybear. I’m just licking my wounds. I’m a big boy, it’s not my first rejection.” 

“What did he say?” Rhodey asked quietly. 

“He didn’t _say_ anything. I don’t know, honey. There was this thing with Steve, and then… I don’t know. I thought there was something there. He was down here, and we kissed, and… then he took off and I’ve barely seen him since. I know I’m shit at people, Rhodey, but evenI can tell when someone’s avoiding me like the plague.” He gave him a wan smile. “Guess I’m a worse kisser than I thought.” 

Rhodey sighed heavily, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I’m sorry, Tones. I never would’ve encouraged anything between you if I thought… I really did think he was into you.” 

“Yeah,” Tony said, and his voice sounded pinched even to his own ears. “I thought so too.” 

“I don’t get it,” Rhodey said, but then he was wrapping his arms around Tony again, dragging him in for a tight hug. Tony couldn’t help sinking into it, clutching at Rhodey’s back and burying his face against his shoulder. He’d missed him, hadn’t realized how lonely he had been until now. He could feel hot tears pricking at his eyes and squeezed them tightly shut, hugging Rhodey tighter. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled into Rhodey’s neck when the hug had gone on for probably too long. He made no real move to pull back. 

“Hey, that’s what friends are for, right?” Rhodey teased. Tony smiled faintly against his skin, still holding him tight just because he could. “I’m going to kill him,” Rhodey announced, and Tony finally lifted his head, brushing his hair back from his face. “I don’t care if he was brainwashed or if his head’s still kind of messed up. He can’t fuck with you like that. I’ll actually fucking kill him.” 

Tony snorted, although it came out sounding a bit more like a sniffle. “You’re going to kill the Winter Soldier.” he said dryly. “The world’s most feared assassin. For me.” 

Rhodey just gave him a look. “Fuck. Yes.” 

Tony rolled his eyes a little and rubbed at his face. “Yeah, well.” He leaned over, giving Rhodey a kiss on the cheek. “Let’s just hold off on the killing for now, huh Platypus?” 

“Well, I’m gonna talk to him, at least. I’m not fucking kidding, Tony, I don’t fucking care. Everyone could see he was into you. If he wasn’t, then what the fuck was he doing? You can’t just mess with people’s heads like that.

Tony just shook his head. “It’s fine. He has autonomy, he’s allowed to make his own choices. Maybe it was too much, maybe he changed his mind. He’s allowed to do that. I can’t force him to go out with me.” 

“If he changed his mind, then he can learn to talk about his feelings like a fucking adult!” 

“Honey, please. I’ll be fine. I don’t want this to drag out and turn into a thing. Just let it go. I’ll get over it in a couple week.s Don’t say anything to him. Please.” 

Rhodey sighed, jaw clenching, but he relented. “Fine.” 

“And don’t… don’t say anything to Steve either, okay? Please, Honeybear?”

Rhodey looked mutinous, but he nodded. “Yeah, okay, fine. I promise.” He turned then, swiping away the holographs with a hand. “Come on, Tones.” He grabbed Tony’s arm, firmly guiding him toward the door. “You haven’t been sleeping either, have you?”

“Um…” Tony heaved a sigh at the look Rhodey gave him. “No,” he admitted. “But it’s fine. I’m really not tired.” 

Rhodey didn’t bother to dignify that with a response, just steering him into the elevator. 

Of course, of fucking course, the elevator would stop on Steve’s floor, which more importantly was also Bucky’s floor, to reveal the man himself waiting for it. He looked up miserably, and then a split second of panic crossed his face when he saw Tony, before he blinked at him, confusion crossing his features. Tony hadn’t looked in the mirror before leaving, but he knew it was probably completely obvious he’d been upset about something, eyes still burning, cheeks feeling hot. He swallowed, and Bucky took a half step toward him, hands coming up like he was going to- what? Wipe the tears from his cheeks? Give him a hug? Tony wanted to scream. 

Luckily, this all took place in a split second and before either of them could make another move, Rhodey was shouting, “Sorry, elevator’s full!” and slamming violently at the close door button. A second layer, helped by Jarvis, the door was sliding smoothly closed in Bucky’s face, shutting away an expression that Tony couldn’t quite figure out. 

He sunk back against the wall with a sigh, and Rhodey leaned back beside him, bumping their shoulders together.

“You okay?” 

Tony shook his head, not really trusting his voice, and Rhodey sighed, looping his arm around Tony’s shoulder and tugging him in against his side. Feeling suddenly drained, Tony snuggled into him, the contact helping a little as they headed for the penthouse. 

***

Bucky was sitting on the floor in his living room, leaning against the wall and staring blankly at the window and wallowing in his misery. He missed Tony, missed their time together, missed being the one to help him through his panic attacks. He’d fucked up, he knew it, he’d super fucked everything up, should never have kissed Tony, no matter how much he’d wanted to. He’d obviously told Rhodes too, judging by the murderous looks he’d given him on the elevator, and he was half expecting the man to show up and throw him out on his ass. He’d fucked everything up. 

He was double guessing everything when Jarvis alerted him that Sam was at the door, requesting entrance. Bucky shrugged, and told Jarvis to let him in, half wondering if they’d just decided to send Sam to kick him out instead. 

“Barnes, you ignorant slut!” Sam burst into the room with a shout. “What the hell happened? I’ve got Rhodes about five seconds from murdering your ass, and the only reason he hasn’t yet is because he thinks you deserve to know why before you die, and Tony made him promise not to talk to you about it. So you best start explaining, son.” 

Bucky blinked at him. “What?”

Sam sighed, getting a look at the pathetic look on Bucky’s face. Without a word he headed for the fridge, grabbing a couple of beers and then taking a seat on the couch as he popped the caps on the coffee table. “Come on, man,” he said, patting the seat beside him. “I think it’s time for a talk.” 

Bucky nodded miserably, standing up off the floor to take a seat beside him. “Am I being kicked out of the tower now?”

“What? What the fuck dude, no! Of course not! Why would you think that?” 

Bucky just shrugged, not sure how to explain, and Sam sighed, taking a long pull from his beer. 

“Jesus,” he muttered. “Okay, I think we need to start from the beginning. What happened with you and Tony? Rhodes is telling me you two have been avoiding the hell out of each other? I thought you really liked him, man.” 

“I did!” Bucky protested. “I do. I… That’s kinda the whole problem.” 

“Okay…” Sam nodded. “Yeah, I’m not following.” 

Bucky groaned, burying his face in his hands. “I kissed him.”

“Okayyyyy,” Sam said again. “I mean, I might not be as well-versed in threesomes as all y’all, but I’m pretty sure that’s a normal part of it?” 

“No,” Bucky mumbled into his hands, shaking his head. “Not then.” He lifted his head again. “After. A few days later. I went down to the lab, and it just… Happened. I kissed him.” 

Sam sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I gotta tell you, I feel like we’re having two different conversations here. Was the kiss… Bad? Why is this a problem?” 

Bucky stared at him, looking horror stricken. “Because! He’s with Stevie. I don’t see you going around kissing… Natalia!” 

“No, because I don’t have a death wish, and Nat’s got exactly zero feelings for me.” Then he blinked, clueing in to exactly what Bucky had said. “Wait, what? What? You think… Oh. Oh fuck.” 

Bucky was not expecting Sam to burst out laughing, so hard that he fell back against the couch cushions and looked like he couldn’t breathe. He blinked at him, a little miffed. 

“What the hell is so funny?” he growled out. 

Sam just shook his head, trying to catch his breath. It was a minute before he could stop laughing long enough to suck in a couple gasps of air and speak. “You’re such a fucking idiot, Barnes. No, no!” he added quickly, settling a hand on Bucky’s knee when it looked like he was going to storm off. “It’s not your fault! Not entirely, anyway. Takes two to tango and whatever... I don’t know what it is with the people in this place and their lack of communication.”

Bucky blinked at him. “You realize you aren’t making any damn sense at all, right?”

Sam nodded and tilted his head towards Bucky’s beer, sitting untouched on the coffee table. “Drink your beer, Barnes. You’re gonna need it.” He waited until Bucky had picked up the bottle in question, grumbling about it not being enough to get him drunk anyway, before he started talking. “Okay,” he said. “Just to make sure we’re clear. You think Steve and Tony are together in a committed, loving relationship or whatever?” He waited for Bucky’s nod. “And that night that they invited you in was because....”

Bucky shrugged, ducking his head and looking a little uncomfortable. “They wanted to spice things up, I guess?”

“Right, okay. And so you agreed because you’re hopelessly in love with Tony, and so you figured if one night was all you’d get with him, you’d take it.”

Bucky glared at him and then turned his head to stare out the window instead, jaw clenching as his fingers flexed against the bottle in hand. “I’m not in the mood for this shit, Sam. If you’re just here to make fun of me you can get right the fuck out again.” 

“Hey, no, I’m not!” Sam insisted. “Cmon, look at me. This is important.” He sighed when Bucky wouldn’t. “Dammit, Steve. I told him he had to actually talk to you about this shit.”

That got Bucky’s attention, and he turned to Sam. “Steve?” he repeated. “What does he have to... shit, he knows I kissed Tony, doesn’t he?”

Sam shrugged. “I’ve got no idea, although I’d guess probably not. That’s not actually what I’m talking about though. Bucky, listen. Tony? He’s not with Steve.”

“What are you... what?” Bucky stared at him, his brain not comprehending the words coming out of Sam’s mouth. “Of course he is.”

Sam shook his head, lips twitching like he was torn between sympathy, and laughing at him again. “No, dude, he’s really not. Steve and Tony, they just… Fool around sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, they care about each other. But it’s just a good time and, I don’t know, stress relief, I guess? Beats jerking off every night? I don’t ask for the details, but I can say with complete certainty that Tony is in no way shape or form romantically involved with Steve.”

Bucky blinked, the words slowly processing. “It’s just sex?”

“It’s just sex,” Sam confirmed. “It’d be like, if you and I just decided to fuck one night. Except ew, gross no.” His face wrinkled in disgust at the thought, but Bucky ignored it. 

“So the night they invited me...”

Sam shrugged. “Steve finally clued in to the way you were acting around Tony. He didn’t know why you didn’t just ask him out, but he figured that might be the push you two idiots needed. I told him he needed to actually talk to you about that, but obviously he didn’t. And then, well. You weren’t around much, and Tony wasn’t either, and we all just kind of assumed you were...” He trailed off rolling his eyes at Bucky’s arched eyebrow. “Come on, man, you’ve both been pining for a really long time. Nobody would’ve been surprised if you’d disappeared for awhile. I, uh... I really should have checked in with you, though. I’m sorry about that.”

Bucky swallowed hard, not sure if he was going to laugh or cry. “So Tony ‘n me, all the conversations, all the flirting and the jokes...”

Sam’s lips quirked, and his smile was all sympathy now, no trace of laughter left. “I mean, I can’t say 100%. Tony’s never come into my room at 3:00 in the morning to wax poetic about your shining personality-“

“That was one time,” Bucky muttered.

“-But yeah, dude. The man is crazy into you.”

Bucky nodded, eyes unfocusing as he stared past Sam. He pushed his tongue against his cheek, because he was definitely going to cry now. Maybe throw up. “And I ran away,” he whispered. “I kissed him, and then I fucking ran away. I spent the last six weeks avoiding him, so I wasn’t the asshole in love with my best friend’s fella, so that I could get over him, and all this time....” He scrubbed a hand angrily over his face. “And now he hates me.” 

“Okay, nope!” Sam set his empty bottle down on the coffee table before pulling a Bucky’s from his hand and doing the same. “I’m done with this shit. You need to go talk to him. Right now.” 

Bucky gave an incredulous bark of laughter. “Sam... No. I can’t.”

“Too bad. This has gone on long enough, and I’m over it. You two need to stop guessing what the other one is thinking and actually start talking to each other before this whole mess gets any worse. And since Tony doesn’t have any clue about any of this, it’s on you to start it.”

“Can’t get much worse,” Bucky grumbled. “Sam, he hates me. He didn’t even want me around when he was having a panic attack. He had me barred from the lab.”

“Maybe,” Sam agreed. “Maybe he does hate you. Or maybe he was sad and hurting, just like you, and pulling away from everyone. You know, like he does.” Sam sighed. “Look, I’m not guaranteeing you a happy ending here. You fucked up and yeah, there’s a chance that’s not fixable. But what’s better man? Talking about it and finding out for sure so that you can move on? Or sitting in this room for the rest of your life wishing you’d done things differently? You’ve already wasted all this time you could have been together. Don’t waste anymore.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes, staring straight ahead. “You sound like one of those stupid Hallmark movies that Barton’s always watching.” He looked over at Sam again. “You really think Colonel Rhodes is gonna let me get anywhere near Tony now?”

“I’ll talk to him. You just worry about Tony.” He sighed when Bucky made no attempt to move. “Jarvis, where’s Tony right now?”

“In his workshop,” came the prompt reply. “Should I let him know to expect you?”

“Yeah, excellent idea,” Bucky agreed dryly. “It’ll give him a chance to hide, since there’s no way he wants to see my face right now.”

“On second thought, Sir is in the middle of a project right now. I’ll wait until he’s at an appropriate stopping point before I tell him of your impending arrival.”

Sam arched an eyebrow at him. “See? Even Jarvis is on your side. Go. Talk to him. And if it all goes to hell, I’ll still be here when you get back. I’ve got you, man.” 

And then, somehow, Bucky found himself in the elevator and heading down to Tony’s labs. The doors were already open for him, but he found himself lingering outside, drinking in the sight of Tony like a dying man. Except for the odd run in, it felt like it had been years since he’d been able to see him. So he gave himself a minute to just watch, to see Tony working, interacting with the bots, in his element without the hurt and pain in his eyes. 

Drawing in a deep breath, Bucky moved through the doorway, making sure that his footsteps would be audible. 

“Hey honey!” Tony called without looking up, and before reason caught up with him. Bucky’s heart skipped a beat, wondering if it could really be that easy. “You weren’t gone nearly as long as I...” He turned, smiling brightly, and faltered. “Expected.” He blinked. “Oh. It’s you.” 

He shot a baleful glance at one of the cameras Jarvis used before looking back to Bucky. His expression shuttered into something cold and hard, and Bucky’s heart froze, like going into cryo all over again. But he had seen a faint glimmer of something in Tony’s eyes, and that was enough to keep him from running back to Sam with his tail between his legs. 

Tony turned back to his work, like he couldn’t even stand to look at him. He grabbed a wrench, and a dragged a large piece of metal across the length of the table. “What can I do for you, Barnes?” he asked, without any warmth at all. 

Bucky swallowed hard. “You’re not with Stevie,” he said, his voice sounding strange to his own ears. 

“Nope,” Tony agreed, clearly wanting to be anywhere else. “Steve’s down in the gym, I think, if you’re looking for him.”

“No,” Bucky said faintly, wishing Tony was looking at him because he couldn’t get a read on him at all. “I mean you’re not _with_ Steve.” 

That got Tony’s attention, enough that he glanced over his shoulder and stopped whaling on the piece of metal with the wrench. He gave a derisive laugh. “What, are you trying to wrangle another invitation? No, I’m not _with_ him. Haven’t done that in...” There was a slight catch in his voice. “In awhile actually.” 

Bucky made a frustrated growling sound, felt his face contort as he shook his head frantically, trying not to lapse into Russian. That really got Tony’s attention as he dropped his wrench and turned to face him completely, and even now, after everything, there was no fear in his eyes, only concern. 

“No,” he tried again. He took a step toward Tony, and then another before stopping, not wanting him to feel trapped. “You... I...” He drew in a slow breath, trying to remember the right words. He couldn’t seem to say what he wanted to, and a whine of frustration slipped past his lips. 

“Hey.” Tony moved toward him without a thought, stopping an arm’s length away. “It’s okay, Buck, no rush. Just take your time.” 

Bucky’s heart ached with how much he loved Tony right then. The other man should hate him - hell, maybe he did - but he still wasn’t willing to let Bucky suffer, and that was just too much. 

“All this time,” he ground out, his throat feeling thick. “You an’ Stevie. I thought you were together. Not just fucking,” he added quickly, wanting to clarify. “But... Together.”

Tony blinked at him, processing, but there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes now. “You thought we were, like... Dating?” He asked, his own voice sounding weak. Bucky nodded frantically, relieved to have gotten his point across. 

“I thought... I didn’t know it wasn’t like that, that you were just fooling around for fun. I... I didn’t know. Nobody told me.”

“Oh.” Tony might not have been good with people, but he was still a genius. It didn’t take him long to connect the dots to what Bucky was saying, and his face paled. Tony’s breath left his lungs in a whoosh, and looked a little like he might pass out. “Oh Jesus.” 

And there was a lot left to say, a lot to be cleared out between them, and Bucky knew that. But Tony’s face was wide open now, and he was staring at Bucky with an expression that was a mixture of hope and relief and disbelief and a whole wealth of other things that Bucky couldn’t even begin to process. He closed the distance between them, hands coming up to frame Tony’s head, and kissed him. 

He had a split second to worry that he’d made completely the wrong decision, and then Tony was kissing him back, soft and sweet. He made a desperate little sound against Bucky’s lips, and Bucky moved closer, closing the distance between their bodies as he deepened the kiss slightly. 

Bucky’s throat was tight when he pulled back, and he cleared it awkwardly, pressing his forehead against Tony’s. “I should have done that a year ago,” he muttered, his voice rough. 

“You did,” Tony pointed out, his own voice sounding choked. “Well, a few weeks ago, anyway. Didn’t work out so well, remember?”

Right. Kissing him had probably been way too much too fast. What the hell had Bucky been thinking  anyway? He moved to pull away, but before he could Tony’s hands were coming up, gripping his forearms tightly. 

“No, don’t. I didn’t mean... Please don’t run away,” he pleaded. “Not again.”

Bucky shook his head, feeling relief fill his body, liquid heat in his stomach. He pressed a quick kiss to Tony’s lips. “Not goin’ anywhere, doll.”

Tony shivered, his eyes falling shut, and Bucky shifted his hand to wipe away the tear that had slipped past his lids. 

“I thought you knew,” Tony whispered, leaning into Bucky’s hand. “I mean, not at first. I couldn’t tell you, that first time. What was I gonna say? ‘Hey, I really like you, and want to spend all my time with you, but also I slept with your best friend. Hope that’s cool!’ I just didn’t know how to tell you, but then you kept flirting with me, everything was the same, and I just assumed Steve or someone had told you it was just fun.”

Bucky shook his head miserably. “No, no one did,” he whispered, before letting his hands fall from Tony’s face and taking a half step back. They were standing so close he could barely see Tony’s face, and that seemed important. Tony was still holding tightly to his forearms though, and he smiled faintly. “Come on, doll. I think this is maybe a conversation we should be sitting down for.”

Tony nodded, and reluctantly let go of Bucky’s arms, although it wasn’t a second before he was catching Bucky’s metal hand in his own. He gave him a tentative smile before leading him over to the couch in the corner, absently shooing away Dum-E who was whirring hopefully at Bucky for a game of fetch. 

“So you... I... Where are we, Buck? I gotta admit, you’ve thrown me for a loop here. What are you looking for? When you disappeared first I thought maybe, I don’t know, maybe the flirting was just your natural state, and that you liked the sex but didn’t want anything else. So. Is it just sex?” Tony let go of Bucky’s hand to rub over his face. “Cause I...” He drew in a deep breath. “I don’t think I can do that,” he admitted quietly. 

Bucky’s hand had settled on Tony’s knee, but he pulled it back quickly at that. He grit his teeth and turned his head so Tony wouldn’t see the look on his face, mentally cursing Hydra, and his arm, and every horrible part of himself. “Right,” he choked out, telling himself he shouldn’t have been surprised, that it wasn’t fair of him to have hoped that Tony could look past his arm and scars. “That’s... Fair.”

Tony was frowning at Bucky’s response, and his eyes went wide in sudden understanding. “No no no no no!” He said quickly, grabbing Bucky’s hands and moving closer, until their legs were pressed together. “I don’t mean... fuck Bucky, being attracted to you is not a problem.” He leaned back a little, making a show of looking Bucky up and down, expression lingering on his thighs. He was teasing, but there was a very real heat in his eyes that had Bucky shivering, desire flooding his body. “I want you,” Tony told him, his voice lower than before. “More than I think I’ve ever wanted anyone before. You have any idea how many times I’ve jerked off thinking about that arm on my body? Trust me, not a problem.”

Bucky groaned, letting his eyes fall shut and leaning into the back of the couch. He count down backwards from ten, before he did something embarrassing like shooting off in his jeans. 

“So what...” He swallowed, licked his lips, noted the way Tony’s eyes tracked the movement. “What is the problem?”

Tony sighed, the hungry expression leaving his eyes. “If it’s just sex, if all you’re after is an admittedly fantastic lay, I don’t think I can handle that.” He glanced up at Bucky from under his eyelashes, expression rueful. “I think I’m kind of in love with you, asshole. I want to spend all my time with you, I feel fantastic when we’re together, I sleep more and eat better and my brain’s working triple time, and I’d like to think that this-“ He gestured vaguely between them. “Means it’s not entirely unreciprocated. But my head’s kind of over the place right now. Six weeks ago I would have sworn you felt the same way, and six _hours_ ago, I would have sworn that you hated my guts, so... Where are we?”

Bucky looked absolutely stricken at that. “You thought I hated you?”

The look Tony gave him was pure incredulity. “You do remember the part where you avoided me for six weeks and practically ran away every time you saw me, right?” 

Bucky couldn’t help himself. He leaned forward and kissed Tony again, needing him to understand how very much he didn’t hate him. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled when he pulled back again. “Consent. Probably wasn’t the appropriate thing to do.”

Tony was grinning faintly, and didn’t look entirely upset. “I retroactively give you permission,” he told him, hand moving to rub absently against his lip. Bucky was pretty sure he didn’t even realize he was doing it, and smiled at him fondly. 

“Tony, it almost killed me not seeing you every day like I was used to. I didn’t hate you. I was trying to get over you.” 

“Trying to... What?”

He looked absolutely poleaxed, and Bucky sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Okay. I think I need to start from the beginning. We keep doing this all backwards.”

Tony nodded and turned to sit cross-legged on the couch, sideways and facing Bucky like they were at a damn slumber party. He took Bucky’s hands in his again, settling them on his knees. “Okay. Hit me.” 

Bucky nodded, taking a breath as he thought about where to start. Tony’s thumb was rubbing over the inside of his metal wrist, and it was more than a little distracting, but he pushed it aside and focused. 

“Doll,” he started, because he loved the way Tony shivered slightly every time he said it. “Tony. I’ve been falling for you since you pulled those trackers out of my arm.” 

Tony blinked at him. “That was the first day you got here.”

“Yeah. I know. I was more Russian murder doll than human, but you got your hands on me, and started rambling on about nanobots and neural transmitters, and… I felt like I could breathe again. I remembered what warmth felt like.”

Tony was staring at him, eyes devastatingly wide, and Bucky laughed, a little uncomfortably. 

“I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to sell you a Hallmark movie about how love conquers all. You were there, you know it wasn’t all sunshine and lollipops. I still had a long way to go before I was anything close to human again, but you… You gave me a glimmer. You let me see that the possibility was there.” He gave Tony a crooked smile. “I wasn’t with it enough to even recognize what kind of emotion I was feeling, but that’s when I started falling for you.” 

“Jesus,” Tony muttered, scrubbing his hand over his face. “And when you did? When you recognized it? You never said anything?”

Bucky shrugged. “By then you were too important to me. My best friend, after Stevie. Maybe even above him, some days. I didn’t want to risk it, Tony. Didn’t want to take even a chance of losing you. I guess I just figured I had time. I could go slow, keep on flirting with you. Try and get a read on if it was even a possiblily, if it wasn’t just wishful thinking and you being you before I tried to go anywhere with it.”

“And then you saw me leaving Steve’s place.”

“And then I saw you leaving Stevie’s,” Bucky confirmed. “I coulda cried when I saw you walking out of there missing your pants and clearly fucked within an inch of your life. _Did_ cry, later that night, when I was alone with my thoughts and realized just how badly I’d fucked up.” He gave Tony a crooked grin. “I knew I’d liked you, Tony, knew I wanted you. Don’t think I actually realized I was falling in love with you until right then.”

Tony swallowed hard. “Fuck,” he muttered, torn between laughing and crying. “You fucked things up real good this time, Stark.” He shook his head, so frustrated with everything they’d missed out on, and his heart twisting at the thought of having hurt Bucky. “It didn’t even mean anything,” he said softly, even though they’d already established this. “Not really.”

Bucky smiled faintly, his tongue coming out to swipe over his lips. “You just... you just looked so _happy_ , coming out of Stevie’s room. None of that weight you’re always carrying around on your shoulders. And I thought... You always deserve to be happy Tony. That’s all I’d want for you, even if... Even if it wasn’t with me.”

Tony made a choking sound, his throat thick. “You know you’re describing almost exactly the way I feel about you, right? That first time was... Not intended. And then, I don’t know. I hadn’t realized how lonely I was until that night, so when he invited me back, I said yes. It was just... nice. It was fun, and it was good sex, and... It was easy. None of the awkwardness of one night stands. I already knew Steve, and knew I could trust him. But it was just sex. I mean, you know, I guess I don’t hate Steve.” He grinned when that got a huff of laughter out of Bucky. “Might even say I like him. But I’m not _in_ _love_ with him.” He rubbed his thumb over the inside of Bucky’s forearm. “That was all you,” he admitted, looking up at him from under his eyelashes. “I was falling for you more every day. But i figured it was never going to happen. What would you see in a crazy old man like me? So I kept hooking up with Steve, because it beat being alone.” He winced. “That sounds so much more unhealthy than it was.”

Bucky shook his head quickly. “No. I, uh... I get what you mean.” He gave Tony another smile. “Fuck, I was so goddamn jealous though. I was tryin’ not to be, cause I really did want to be happy for you two, but sometimes... I swear, it was all I could do not to punch Steve in the face when he got too handsy with you in front of me.”

Tony burst out laughing at that, tipping forward against Bucky’s chest, his hands on Bucky’s wrist keeping the other man from wrapping his arms around his back the way he wanted to. 

“It’s not funny!” Bucky protested, although he was smiling. “I felt like shit. I shoulda been happy for my friends, and instead I’m acting like a jealous asshole. And all the while I still can’t stop myself from following you around, and hanging out with you all the time, and I felt even more guilty about that because _I_ knew what I really wanted.” 

Tony sobered a bit at that. “I know,” he admitted. “That’s... not a fun way to feel. I know, every time Steve mentioned you and dating, I thought I was going to puke. Which wasn’t exactly fair, when I was also sleeping with Steve.” He couldn’t help grinning again. “Sorry, I’m just picturing the look on Captain Tightpants face when you punched him and then carried me off into the sunset like your pretty princess.”

Bucky snorted at that, freeing his flesh hand to brush over Tony’s cheek. “You’d like that, huh? Want me to defend your honor, then cart you off to claim my reward?” His voice dropped a little on the last word and Tony shivered. 

“Wouldn’t be entirely remiss,” he admitted. “Fuck. I am kicking myself here. Do you have any idea how much filthy hot sex we’ve missed out on?” He paused. “So, wait. If you thought we were together, why’d you agree to join us?”

Bucky shrugged. “I’m not a good man, Tony. If all I could have with you was one night, I was gonna take it, and take full advantage. Give me something to remember while I lived out the rest of pathetic life alone.” He grinned a little at that. “Plus, you know, there was maybe a part of me that thought I could use my superior skills to seduce you away from Stevie.”

Tony laughed at that, the sound a little breathy as he thought back. “You did,” he assured him. “More than. Steve who?”

Bucky chuckled softly, letting his free hand trail along Tony’s spine. “Fucking dumbass. Would’ve been a great matchmaking plan if he’d bothered to tell me you were actually single.” He looked up at Tony, suddenly serious again. “Doll, I am so sorry for avoiding you the way I did. If I’d known how you really felt... I just thought that if I had a night with you, I could start to move on. Only that didn’t happen. It was so, so much worse, all I could think about was you, not just how amazing you were, but how much I just wanted to be near you. And I thought... I thought if I just backed off, I could get past it. Which completely backfired, because all I did was make myself miserable.” He swallowed hard. “Didn’t know I’d be making you miserable too.”

“Bucky.” Tony stared at him incredulously. “If nothing else, you’re my friend. I’d never want you to pull away like that.” 

“No, I know.” Bucky made a face as he felt his nose pinch again. “My self worth isn’t that bad. I knew you were my friend, I knew you wouldn’t be happy about it. But, I figured you had Steve and… I thought you’d be okay, and then, once I’d gotten a grip on myself, we could go back to just being friends again.”

Tony just stared at him. “You absolute dumbass.”

Bucky gave him a sardonic smile in return. “Never said I wasn’t. Didn’t realize till way too late that we were never “just” friends. There’s always been something more there.” He ducked his head, suddenly shy. “For me, anyway. Don’t know if you maybe felt it too.”

Tony grinned wide at that. “I did. Fuck, I really, really did.”

Bucky returned the grin, his entire face lighting up. Then the smile dropped suddenly off his face, and he groaned loudly. 

“What?” Tony asked, and after all the mix-ups he could be forgiven if his voice was a little frantic. “What’s wrong?”

“Sam,” Bucky grumbled. “He told me ages ago that I should just talk to you and tell you how I felt. I hate it when he’s right.”

Tony burst out laughing at that, light and relieved. “Well, I won’t tell him if you don’t,” he told him with a wink. 

Bucky grinned again, shaking his head. “We need a do-over,” he announced, leaning back a little. He stuck his right hand out for Tony to shake. “Hi, I’m Bucky. Thank you so much for letting me stay in your home, Mr. Stark. Can I just say, you’re gorgeous enough to make Jesus weep, and that ass is the bee’s knees. Can I buy you a drink sometime?”

Tony snorted at that, eyes sparkling, but he played along, holding his hand out for Bucky to shake. “One condition.”

“What’s that?” Bucky asked, going serious. 

“You hurry the fuck up and kiss me already.” 

Bucky smiled at that, so hopeful it almost broke Tony’s heart, and then he was sliding his hand up to curl around Tony’s neck. Slowly, motions almost delicate, he drew Tony in and pressed his lips softly against his. 

It was soft, and sweet, and loving, and lasted exactly 7.4 seconds before Tony made a soft little noise against his lips that had heat flooding Bucky’s body. He couldn’t help deepening the kiss, his hand tightening against Tony’s neck as he pushed closer to him. Tony’s hand had settled on his metal arm again, rubbing just below the inside of his elbow. It didn’t have the same sensation as his other skin, but he could still feel it, and it was slowly driving him crazy. He’d managed to ignore it in favour of their conversation, but that didn’t mean his body hadn’t been responding all the same. He abruptly realized that he was absolutely achingly hard, cock a heavy weight in his sweatpants, and he pulled away with a low groan. 

“Oh shit,” he muttered, stifling another groan when Tony’s lips chased his, giving him another soft kiss. “That was…”

Tony pulled back enough to grin at him. “Amazing, right?” Anther kiss, this one deeper again. “So fucking good.” 

His hand was still moving over Bucky’s arm, and Bucky let his eyes fall shut, a desperate whine slipping past his lips. “Fuck, doll. You gotta stop doing that. I can’t… Can’t take it.” 

Tony arched an eyebrow at him, taking a second before he realized what he meant. His gaze shifted to Bucky’s lap, and he grinned wide when he realized just how he was affecting the other man. “You can feel that?” he teased, the motions of his hand now going slow and deliberate. “You like that, honey?” 

Bucky pulled his flesh hand from Tony’s neck, squeezing it into a fist against his thigh. “Yes, I like it, you jerk,” he grit out, but he was grinning too, unable to believe this was really happening. “ _Fuck_ Tony.” He squirmed as Tony stroked a deliberate finger up his forearm. “I ain’t kidding, doll. You gotta stop before I do something we both regret.”

“Uh huh?” Tony was suddenly much closer, lips on Bucky’s jaw. “Like what?” 

Bucky groaned, letting his eyes slip shut. “Like throw you over my shoulder and cart you off to my bedroom to have my filthy way with you.” 

Tony’s laugh was low and hungry. “You’re really not giving me much incentive to stop here, Bucky Bear.” 

Bucky groaned again as Tony teased his fingers over his bicep. “Tony! Stop.” He knew it was hard to take him seriously when he was laughing around the words, and he grabbed Tony’s wrist, giving him a taste of his own treatment as he stroked his thumb over the inside of his wrist. “I mean it. I wanna… We missed so much time. I wanna do this right.” 

Tony blew out a huff of air, although he was smiling. “Barnes, come on. I’ve been pining for _years_. You’ve already fucked me. What are we waiting for, exactly?”

“Told ya. Do over. None of that other stuff matters now. We’re gonna start fresh. I’m gonna take you out, like I shoulda done way back when we first met - assuming that was a yes to the drinks, of course - and then I’m gonna walk you home, and kiss you at your doorstep, like a proper gentleman.”

Tony looked dismayed. “You’re not even going to fuck me on the first date?”

Bucky smirked at him, and winked. “I’m going to woo you proper, doll.”

“Shouldn’t be too hard,” Tony grumbled. “I’m already in love with you.” He rolled his eyes, like Bucky didn’t know him well enough by now to know exactly how delighted he really was. He leaned in close again, running the backs of his knuckles over Bucky’s abs. “What if we just fool around a little bit? What if you just stick it in like this much?“ He held his hands about nine inches apart. “It won’t even count!”

Bucky shook his head, fighting back against the smile that was threatening to split his face. “No, Tony.” 

“Blow jobs then?” Tony tried. “No penetration at all.” 

“Tony,” Bucky rolled his eyes. “Oh my god.”

“What about hand jobs!” Tony wasn’t even really trying anymore, just being as ridiculous as possible. “That’s just high school stuff. Barely qualifies as sex, even.” 

Bucky snorted, couldn’t help himself. “Tony, no.” 

“Tony, yes,” Tony insisted, smirking. “How about I just watch you jerk off? You can watch me too. A little mutual masturbation helps the world go round. Come on, Barnes, don’t leave me hanging here.”

Bucky was shaking with laughter now. He leaned forward to kiss Tony’s forehead and then, because he wasn’t completely heartless, a proper kiss on the lips, hot as hell for all that it was quick. “No,” he said, detangling himself from Tony’s arms. “I’m going to go take a very long, very hot shower, you’re gonna do… Whatever it is you’re gonna do, and I’m going to pick you up at seven.” 

“Wait.” Tony blinked up at him, a small smile on his face. “You’re serious about the date?” 

“Uh huh. And this one’s all mine, Tony, so don’t you go trying to plan something over the top. I’ve got plans, and I want you to be surprised.” 

Tony nodded. “Yeah, um. Okay. Okay. Square deal. Hey, Barnes and Noble?” 

“Uh huh?”

“How do you feel about some light necking on the first date?”

Bucky just shook his head, trying not to limp as he moved toward the door because fuck, he was really hard. “See you at seven.” 

“Hey, Bucky?” 

With a soft sigh, Bucky turned at the doorway, still grinning wide. “What, Tony?” 

Tony was beaming at him. “Looking forward to it.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr! ceealaina.tumblr.com


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